#1: Bits and pieces, should've made notes when it was still fresh... The most dominant portion had to do with winning a $250 gift card to any restaurant of my choosing. Technically, my mom won it and was going to use it at a French restaurant but in the illogic of dreams I'm the one dining, not her. Anyway, I'm not sure on the actual name of the place but it's understood I've been there before, or at least I know there's one entree on the menu that I'll eat. From the look of it, it was some sort of breaded fish with steamed broccoli, served in small portion sizes as you see in parodies of Haute cuisine. Apparently my waitress has a photographic memory because after finishing the main course, she automatically served me the dessert I would have ordered. A flashback revealed that I had eaten there once before, and she simply remembered my selection. Naturally, I was impressed and was going to leave a larger than normal tip, also in part because I had to spend the full $250 in one go (I think I even offered to pay for the women at the next table over, just to use up the cash). Well, turns out the waitress has other plans because she brings me a second dessert selection, followed by several main courses. As I'm sitting there trying to get through the third main course - which had more than a slight resemblance to the spicy chicken and corn soup I ate in real life the previous evening - I wondered how close I was to the $250 mark since she hadn't provided the bill and I also tried to calculate an appropriate tip, which I fucked up by using 10% as the base. Why I didn't realize that I could just multiply by an integer to get the value for 20 or 30% is beyond me, but I felt that I needed to do the whole calculation over again.

After that I found myself in a 'classroom' - actually, it was just my lab with desks placed in the aisles between benches - and was asked by my ninth-grade English teacher about what things in life I hated. The desks were arranged in a circle and after others had answered, I decided my answer was that since I don't hate anyone or anything I'd answer that I hate, "the Amish, Mennonites, and other local craftsmen." For those who don't know, the Amish are a sect of Christianity who shun modern technology and live like its the nineteenth century, so they do not own televisions, cars, or other modern contrivances. They mostly make their living through farming or through traditional trades like woodworking, though some own stores. So...what was my warped logic behind hating them? Since they're serious about Christianity, and since Christians are supposed to turn the other cheek if you wrong them, you can treat them poorly and you don't have to worry about possible retribution. They're the perfect people to 'hate'...I mean, there's nothing forbidding a member of a minority ethnic group solely on the basis of being a member of a minority ethnic group for beating you to a pulp if you say you think they're crap. Religious types, on the other hand, have to answer to their deity for doing you harm....and of course, we all know that every Christian knows by heart - and slavishly follows - every last esoteric bit of their belief system! As happens all too often in real life, no one understood the subtleties of my joke and we moved on from there.

Commentary: My dreams tonight reveal how little I know about French cuisine...and how willing my brain, instead of just admitting that it doesn't know either, instead tries to fake it thinking I wouldn't notice. Also the line, "the Amish, Mennonites, and other local craftsmen" is from a furniture commercial that aired many years ago.